Self Esteem Tips

As a teacher, the building of self-esteem in my students is my primary goal. If a child believes in himself, he can achieve any goals he sets before him. A child who does not believe in himself has already doomed himself to failure. This theory is further demonstrated by Marlow's Hierarchy of Needs (learn more at http://chiron.valdosta.edu/whuitt/col/regsys/maslow.html ).

In short, Maslow has asserted that basic needs must be met before self-actualization can occur.

How can a parent help to build a child's self esteem? There are several approaches that a parent can take. One is to provide your child with honest recognition and praise. This means “catch” your child doing wonderful things and let him know what he has done, but be as specific as possible. For example, don't simply say, “Good job, Jonny.” Rather, say, “I like how you put your dishes away after dinner, Jonny, it showed me that you are learning how to be responsible.”

Another key component to building self-esteem is to provide your child with respect. I have found this to be the number one way that I get through to my students. Too often, as adults, we look as children as being beneath us rather than as human beings with valid thoughts and feelings. Ask yourself, would I talk to my husband or mother this way? It's ok to disagree with your child, but validate his feelings by letting him know that you understand his point of view. Then, express your point of view to your child and try to get him to see your point, as well. Granted, you will, as a parent, have to put your foot down at times, but this validation shows your child that you respect him as a person, thereby building his self-esteem.

Another method for building self-esteem is to help the child to build competence in himself. This can be done by encouraging your child to make choices. As a parent, your responsibility is to limit these choices. For example, rather than saying, “Which socks do you want to wear today?” you might say, “Do you want to wear the red socks or the white socks today?” This still empowers your child while keeping him within an acceptable framework.

Another way to build competence is to help your child become engaged in activities that will challenge him, but within which he will ultimately find success. Your job as a parent is to carefully select activities that will provide your child with such an opportunity.

Regarding America's obsession with looks and its affects on self-esteem, the parent is responsible for not reinforcing such stereotypes. If you model to your child that outer beauty is not important to you, then your child will be less likely to focus on outward beauty. It is inevitable that your child will still hear these messages from others and from the media. Again, as a parent, maintaining open, honest communication with your child in which you can discuss your child's feelings of inadequacies will help to counteract this negative fact of life. Furthermore, the stronger your child's self-esteem is, starting from a young age, based upon characteristics other than appearance, the less impact the American obsession with beauty will have on your child's self-esteem.

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What is the best way to make children happy, confident and hardworking? While a lot of factors are involved, there is one thing that you should never do. Never tell a child that they are bright, talented and gifted. Sounds like a misprint, doesn’t it? In fact most research shows that this is a surprising truth.

Self Esteem for Children

The experiments were done by the psychologists Muller and Dweck. They found that consistently telling a child how brilliant they were introduced a fear of failure into the children. Eventually the children that were constantly being told how brilliant they were were more likely to choose easier tasks, get less enjoyment out of harder tasks and, worst of all, achieve a lower score on a test administered the same day. While this experiment only looked at the short term results, it seems that by telling a child that they are amazing all the time, you actually end up creating badly performing children.

So What is Going on With These Children and Self Esteem?

To understand these results, you have to think like a child. At first they are happy when their educator congratulates them, but as time passes, they begin to get more worried: maybe they won’t be able to perform like that again; they are so smart they don’t even need to try; maybe they aren’t really as smart as their educator thinks; maybe they should only do the easy tasks so they will receive more praise…

As you can see, any of these outcomes is likely to result in the child getting an unrealistic opinion of themselves (Either good or bad) and take the easy way out. The child is ‘playing it safe’ and not risking falling from grace.

Giving Children Self Confidence

If telling a child how great they are is not the best way to educate them, what are our options?

In this experiment there was also another group who performed better than both the control and the constantly praised kids. These kids were the ones who were praised for working hard. No matter how well they performed, they were praised if they had been seen to work hard to solve the problem. By encouraging the hard work, the children then had no expectation of failure as anything they did was praised as long as they put in the effort.

Parenting Tips

The key is to remind your child about their hard work and overcoming of obstacles:

Instead of:

Praising your child excessively for a good piano recital, try reminding them of all the time that they spent training and how hard they worked. Also praise them for their ability to focus on the task.

Announcing the second coming of Einstein after they ace their physics exam, tell them that you are proud of their attitude towards study and that you felt proud watching them work so hard at the subject.

Matthew Lette is an expert in self help techniques. On his website Self Help Science he teaches people how to use scientifically proven techniques to make their life better and master techniques such as dealing with repressed anger.

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Every parent has to learn how to build self esteem in their child. You might think that children do not have a problem with low self esteem but some of them do – and that someone could easily be your child.

How does one build self esteem in their child? You may rely on the following steps to guide you through the process:

1. It is important to foster a sense of connection with the child to improve his sense of self worth. Parents who do not take the time to talk to their child in loving terms and even cradling their child will find that their child will most likely have low self-esteem as a result. To solve this problem, you should set aside time for bonding with your child – this sends the message to your child that he is worth your while.

2. Create opportunities for your child to participate in family, school, and community activities. When he is allowed to be involved in these groups, he is made to feel like he belongs which drives up his self esteem.

3. Direct teaching, guided practice and modeling are ways for your child to learn appropriate conversational and social skills early in life. This is important so that he can learn how to work and live with other people.

4. Sharing with your child anecdotes about the elders and ancestors of his family, and try to make him feel proud of his heritage and nationality. This gives him a sense that his lineage is a valuable part of him.

5. Look for every opportunity to make your child feel that he is a unique person by showing him that he possesses special qualities and talents that make him stand out among his peers. Every child wants to feel that he is not a run-of-the-mill person, that he was made differently in some way.

6. Allow your child to develop his own ways of expressing himself. Respect any thoughts and feelings that he may eventually express – these make up a valuable part of his personality.

7. Permit your child to satisfy his curiosity, imagination, and creativity through daily learning experiences. Even if you have to guide him through such experiences, it is important that he take the initiative to learn about the world around him. This sets the foundation for more advanced learning opportunities in the future when he is an independent adult.

8. Nurture a sense of power in your child by giving him opportunities to succeed in his many fields of endeavor. This may mean taking a step back sometimes and letting him reach his goals on his own, but it will be worth it because your child will gain more self-confidence as a result.

9. Let your child take responsibility for certain tasks in the family. Even a mundane chore like taking out the garbage bin everyday will contribute to his sense of responsibility.

10. The child should have a chance to practice any new skills he learns. Your child should learn to analyze why he fails at a certain task, and how he can change the outcome next time. This entails setting doable standards for himself so that he has the opportunity to succeed.

11. Skills in problem solving and decision making can be inculcated in your child at an early age. He must learn how to prioritize, anticipate consequences, and determine the right plan of action for any project he undertakes.

12. Be a good role model to your child – remember, children learn by copying the behavior of other people, particularly their immediate elders. If you dictate one mode of behavior but act in another way, that just confuses the child.

13. Impart a stable value system in your child so that he will be able to discern right from wrong even at a young age.

All these tips should help you learn how to build self esteem in your child.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available only at: conversation starters

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Low self esteem is not often associated with anxiety attacks, yet researchers have discovered a distinct connection between the two.

Anxiety attacks trigger doubts. Sometimes, it’s unclear to you that this is happening because it’s usually on a sub-conscious level. If you already have low self-esteem any concerns about taking on a task can trigger an anxiety attack. This is why it’s important that you focus on breaking the chain of low self esteem to stop your anxiety attacks.

People who experience anxiety attacks might be worried about their next school assignment, of going shopping, or of attending a social gathering. In severe cases, they are afraid to leave the house. Just getting to a medical appointment is a major trial for some people.

This is the stage where the chain of low self esteem and anxiety is in full swing.

Regardless of the cause for the anxiety attacks, people who suffer from them also experience low self-esteem and lack of confidence.

But exactly what is self-esteem? Self esteem develops and evolves throughout our entire lives, beginning in childhood. How we learn to view ourselves as children, based on how we are treated by our parents, siblings, teachers, coaches and religious leaders will contribute to our level of self-esteem.

Our self-esteem is also defined by our successes and failures, and how we learn to handle them. We develop a view of ourselves, our self image, based on how we feel about our abilities to live effectively in the society around us. In childhood, this is a crucial aspect of our growth.

Whether we develop high or low self-esteem, we can be sure of one thing. Our level of confidence will change from one day to the next as a normal part of life. Almost everyone’s feelings and thoughts about themselves fluctuate occasionally in direct relation to the types of experiences in their daily lives. A recent school or medical exam, how their peers treat them, job pressures and personal relationships all can have a temporary impact on how they feel on a given day.

Low self esteem involves more than just the normal ebb and flow of a person’s sense of well-being in response to everyday situations.

People who have a good, healthy sense of self will sail through those fluctuations with ease and quickly bounce back. Those with an existing low self esteem, on the other hand, can be dramatically affected by those ups and downs. They can experience depression, loneliness, anxiety attacks and panic that can be short lived or long lasting.

In fact, low self esteem can create anxiety, stress, relationship problems, impaired job performance, contribute to underachievement and can lead to increased vulnerability to drug and alcohol abuse.

As you can see, this chain of low self esteem and anxiety can grow and expand. The resulting negative consequences reinforce the existing negative self-image, leading the person into even lower self-esteem and possibly to self-destructive behavior.

Take Baby Steps One of the first goals for an anxiety sufferer then, must be to aim at breaking the chain of low self esteem in order to experience full, permanent recovery from their anxiety attacks.

While in a state of low self esteem and depression, and dreading yet more anxiety attacks, it can be difficult to “stretch yourself”, as some people have suggested. Much of the lack of productivity and fear related to tackling otherwise simple tasks is directly linked to the fear of failure.

Failure would present a devastating blow to an already low self esteem. The natural instinct at that point is to do nothing or experience anxiety attacks at the prospect of taking such action.

The key to overcoming this dilemma is to start small in breaking the chain of low self esteem and anxiety, and building your confidence.

One great way to begin this process is to take a close look at your abilities, skills and interests. If you can’t think of any, go back through your school reports if you still have them. Don’t worry if you had poor marks. You’ll undoubtedly find a few subjects in which you excelled. Everyone can do something extra well..

Go down the list and pick out the areas in which you did well. How do you feel about those subjects? Are they things you would like to do again?

It’s important to find something that you’ve already proven you can do well. Most likely, when you recall your success, you will feel at the very least a slight surge of confidence. It can be anything – art class, economics, metal shop, computer work, leadership, sports, drama or music.

Would you want to get involved in that subject again? How would you proceed? Are there instructional manuals you can study? Is there a local workshop you can attend? What about night courses? Does your area have a club specifically for that interest that you can join?

Some abilities include: drawing, designing, playing an instrument, accounting/bookkeeping, drafting, sense of humor, good memory, good with your hands, mechanically inclined, electrical knowledge, working with wood, interior painting, wallpapering, working with textiles… the list is endless.

If you can find an activity that boosts your low self-esteem, makes you feel productive and talented, and gives you something positive to think about instead of focusing on your anxiety, you are sure to start seeing a tremendous improvement in your condition. You will be on the path to breaking the chain of low self esteem and curing your anxiety attacks for good.

If you found this information helpful, here are some highly effective proven programs to assist you in becoming the person you want to be. http://www.book-titles.ca/mental_self_help.htm . Sylvia Dickens is an award-winning journalist who has struggled and overcome , depression, panic and anxiety. Formerly with the Canadian Mental Health Association, she’s written, “A Guide to Teenage Depression & Suicide” and offers several books to cure panic quickly and without medication, along with other popular topics. You can learn more at http://www.book-titles.ca. Her travel magazine offers family vacation getaway ideas for fun and relaxation.

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Do you like you? What do you really think about yourself? Do you feel assertive, optimistic, eager, and able to accurately assess your capabilities? Do you consider yourself worthy, loveable, and likeable? Are you the person who sets and accomplishes his or her goals? Your self-confidence determines your success or failure in every aspect of your life.

Luckily, even if your self-confidence is on the ground, there are many ways to become a confident leader in your own life. One place you can begin building self-confidence is in your thoughts. For example, we are all capable of holding negative thoughts about ourselves, such as – I’m fat, I’m helpless, I can’t change, I’m not good enough, I’m unworthy, etc. These negative thoughts, repeated over and over again, create a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Confidence comes from a strong and healthy sense of self. It refers to having a positive and realistic perception of yourself and your abilities. If you are used to thinking negative thoughts about who you are and what you are capable of, realize that you can end that ‘stinking thinking’ and add some self-supportive talk into your inner dialog. Recall the computer expression, “Garbage in, garbage out!” If you allow only negative thoughts in, your life will reflect this negative energy. You are the one person who can toss out the old garbage. Once you decide to carry out the garbage, the next step is to begin creating confidence, self-esteem and success. You can do this by choosing to think about yourself in a whole new way. Here’s an exercise to help with this process.

Almost everyone has seen or heard about David Letterman’s nightly “Top 10″ lists. Well, right now you are going to take a few minutes and formulate your own “Top 20″ list. Create a conscious listing of your positive traits and abilities. Or, perhaps of the positive traits you admire in others and wish to have for yourself. Making a list of your positive qualities isn’t a new idea. Numerous self-development speakers and trainers have utilized this technique. However, this exercise has stood the test of time and if you will benefit from participating in this exercise. Here’s how it works.

On a sheet of paper, make a list of 20 positive things about yourself. There’s no need to rank each item in a specific order – just jot them down as they come to you. If you get stuck, you may want to ask your closest friends or loved ones to help you. They may see the truth about who you are more clearly than you do.

Your Strengths and Positive Qualities

Write your list now before continuing with this article. Here are some positive qualities to stimulate your thoughts.

Smart…Thoughtful…Intelligent…Independent

Successful…Optimistic…Focused…Objective

Compassionate…Loving…Non-judgmental

Understanding…Sensitive…Outgoing…Cheerful

Warm…Radiant…Energetic…Reflective

Affectionate…Passionate…Articulate…Expressive

Genuine…Honest…Gentle…Kind…Decisive

Vibrant…Spirited…Bright…Perceptive

Brave…Determined…Peaceful…Confident

Willing…Spiritual…Patient…Learning

Friendly…Organized…Educated…Athletic

Motivated…Punctual…Influential…Charismatic

Fearless…Persevere…Acceptance…Strength

Spontaneity…Balanced….Assertive…Optimism

Eagerness…Pride…Emotional maturity

Your “TOP 20″ Positive Qualities List

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Now that you have accomplished this exercise, ask yourself some questions. Did it take long for you to complete this list? Would it have been easier and quicker to come up with 20 things you disliked about yourself? Did you stop writing before reaching 20? How did you feel as you were doing this exercise?

This exercise is an excellent way to assess your current level of confidence. You can’t realize your potential or enjoy life fully if you won’t recognize your positive traits. Decide that it is time to stop battling with yourself, or always putting yourself down. Success will never come from disowning your strengths. Stand up before yourself and declare that you are not weak. You are not inferior. You are not inadequate. These false beliefs can be put out into the trash, and new beliefs can take their place.

If you completed your list of 20 items, congratulations! If you didn’t finish the list, why not go back and do it now? When your list is complete, don’t throw it out. Refer to it often . . . discipline your mind to focus on your own positive qualities and watch your confidence take a few steps up.

Dr. Annette Colby, RD can help you take the pain out of life, turn difficult emotions into joy, release stress, end emotional eating, and move beyond depression into an extraordinary life! Annette is the author of Your Highest Potential and has the unique ability to show you how to spark an amazing relationship with your life! Visit www.LovingMiracles.com to access hundreds of content filled articles and sign up for a Fr’ee subscription to Loving Miracles! newsletter.

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Guilt is an emotion that few of us like to feel or even admit that we carry – but it is the single most damaging emotion that we have. It destroys our relationships and our success as well as robbing us of our happiness in life. We must understand and let go of our guilt if we are to reach our full potential in life.

As a baby or infant we are totally dependent on our parents for our needs – sustenance, security and very importantly, love. If we have any sense that these needs are not met, perhaps due to our parents emotional, health or own relationship problems, then we will feel that something is lacking. We can summarize this as the amount of bonding we experience in our early formative years – the lower the quality of bonding in our original family, the more likely we are to believe that love is scarce and even more critically that we lack love. The heartbreak and traumas around unmet needs in our original families can cause us to draw two very damaging conclusions:

1) My parents failed me

It is fairly easy to see that if our needs have not been met, we will feel let down. We end up feeling resentful towards our parents and may then blame them for their shortcomings and our problems in life.

2) I failed my parents

This second conclusion is much more surprising and destructive because it is the source of huge amounts of guilt. The amount that we feel we have been let down in our relationship with our parents is balanced by the amount we believe we have failed them. This is one of the most important things we can ever learn about relationships. Even as children we take on a great responsibility for the quality of our relationships, particularly with our parents and siblings. If anything is going wrong in the family we will tend to blame ourselves.

Both these conclusions, usually held subconsciously create guilt and this can become accentuated later in life as we blame ourselves for letting other people down, say in romantic relationships or work situations. Not only do we fell guilty for not being good enough, but we also take on all our family’s emotional pain and guilt that they have not been able to deal with in their lives. You can see that guilt comes from a horrible tangle of misunderstanding about relationships!

The famous psychoanalyst Freud provided us with another concept – Oedipal guilt. Based on the Greek myth of Oedipus, where a son killed his father, and married his mother. Although such relationships are difficult to accept, given their societal taboos, most people are familiar with cases where a child is very closely attached to the parent of the opposite sex. When this happens the other parent feels excluded and that they have lost the love of their partner. This sets up a competitive triangle in which all parties have deep, suppressed guilt. This is felt strongly (for instance) where a son is guilty for having stolen his father from his mother. The same thing can happen between fathers and daughters. Many psychologists believe that the experience of being part of a triangle as children is replayed in our adult relationships in the form of affairs.

With such a potentially huge amount of guilt, it is not surprising that we move out into our world with low self-esteem – feeling we have been bad and don’t deserve to receive life’s riches – particularly love. These are very unpleasant sensations so we typically behave in ways that deny them and later we may hide them entirely from our conscious awareness. Unfortunately the low self-worth and guilt is still present in our unconscious memory and can easily sabotage our lives.

Although we made these choices about our self-worth many years ago, guilt acts as a backdrop to our adult lives. Guilt really is a terrible trap and one that most people are unaware they have. It manifests itself through a variety of thoughts, attitudes and negative behaviors that all try to compensate for the guilty feelings inside – essentially smokescreens to hide our guilt from the people around us and even ourselves. You will know you have layers of guilt, if your life is not full of success, loving relationships and a sense of peace and fulfillment.

The key to healing guilt and low self-esteem is to understand what was happening in your original family, accept that you made mistaken choices about your self-worth and guilt. To do this, try to accept that your parents were doing their very best for you given their own circumstances. They loved you dearly but there may have been times when they struggled to express this adequately or when life’s challenges made things difficult for them. Above all you must find a way of forgiving yourself and the people around you for what happened all those years ago. As you forgive and rediscover your innocence you will learn to love yourself – then your life will take great leaps forward!

Peter Granger is an acclaimed relationship counselor and life coach. He runs relationship and self-development workshops in the UK. He has recently launched a book called ‘How to Find True Love’ – The Secrets of Love, Romance and Successful Relationships. For more free relationship advice and information about his book, go to http://www.iloveyouloveme.com

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Our overall performance is based on how we perceive ourselves. If we have low self-esteem, it often hinders us from succeeding in life. We may achieve some of our tasks, but often we fail to set goals that back plans to our success.

Our success, performance to handle daily tasks, and making good decisions depend on our attitude. If we are tired, stressed, worried, in pain or any other negative feelings, our daily performance and long term as well will not be that great.

When we use techniques for enhancing our self-esteem, we will feel good when waking up in the morning to face any challenges that may come our way. When we have good self-esteem, we make better decisions, which encourage others to want to be around us. When we have self-esteem, our confident reaches its peak and we will feel better about our day as we solve different problems that might come our way.

We have many options to build our self-esteem, confidence, etc. Each strategy will give us more energy, and relieve pain as well. Build up your personal health and performance as we build up our self-esteem. Some of the best techniques you can use to enhance self-esteem include writing. Setting goals is another technique to use to enhance self-esteem.

How writing a journey and setting goals help you:

Writing a journal will enhance our self-esteem, confidence and relieve pain that is caused by stress. Journal writing will let you blow off how you feel without anyone knowing your privacy. You can talk to yourself on paper and reread it as you go along to see how well your writing will change as you begin to feel better about your success in building up self-esteem.

Goals help to give up a better performance by building up self-esteem. They need to be in writing along with how you can reach your goals as each day passes you by. Goals give you a reason to work on how you feel in order to accomplish them to be successful.

You can relieve pain with goals by relieve some of the stressful things that are going on with your life. Stress causes pain and relieving the stress will help you perform better in making your decisions to building up your self-esteem.

Exercise can help us perform better by relieving stress that causes pain. We will be able to make better decision by exercising and giving us a time out time for you. We will be able to sleep better at night to perform by enhancing our self-esteem with better decision-making skills.

Positive thing will help us in our performance for the future to success. Positive thinking helps us to forget the negative things that tell us we cannot do something. With positive thinking if we make a mistake do it again only with a positive attitude that you can do it right once you learn what way to perform the best.

Our self-esteem plays a lot in the role of controlling our lives. Without self-esteem is it, harder to perform like we want to. We need to unleash our mind power to make changes to build up the self-esteem in our lives.

It takes a lot of skill and practice to changes our ways of doing things but by thinking positive, we can and will do the best performance ever. Practice keeps us fit and healthy, especially when we practice to enhance our self-esteem.

Start today to make the changes to be a happier person. Build up your performance by building up your self-esteem to a better, healthier, and happier future for success.

Philip Ang has been a self-improvement fanatic for more than 8 years. Read his additional collections by clicking here

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Before we take the plunge in learning how to raise self esteem, we must be clear on just what it is. People with a high self esteem feel competent that they can cope with life’s everyday challenges. They are confident that they will make the appropriate choices and decisions.

Contrary to some people’s ideas, this is not egotism. Egotism is an inflated opinion one has of how important they are. You can probably bring to mind a certain person who fits that bill. An egotist takes pride in feeling they are superior to others.

Although this means liking yourself the way you are, it does not mean seeing yourself as better than everyone else. In fact, a person with a hearty self esteem would think as highly of their peer group as they would about themselves.

That is not to say, however, that a person who knows how to raise self esteem and achieve success in life is not going to occasionally mess up. Based on what happens to you throughout the day, your feelings and thoughts fluctuate. Maybe something did not turn out as expected, or possibly you were stood up or not sought out. Whatever the case, these setbacks will have a definite impact on it.

People who possess a solid reassurance about themselves will be affected only to a limited degree, whereas a person with a limited sense of self-worth may be devastated.

How to Raise Your Self Esteem and Feel Good About Yourself

1. Are you only looking at your bad qualities? It would be naive to say that each and everyone of us do not have some characteristic that leaves something to be desired. We are human, after all. And, let’s face it, there are certain things that we will never be good at, no matter how hard we try. Well, so be it. Focus on doing those things you do best and improving on them, rather than worrying about the things that you recognize as futile.
2. No matter how suave and debonair you may be, there is no way you are going to get everyone to like you. People with low self esteem put too much importance on everyone liking them. It’s an absolute waste of time and effort to try to be friends with the whole world. All people are different and you are different to all people. Accepting this simple fact will raise your self esteem in a positive way. Concentrate on the people who are your true friends and build on that relationship.
3. Do not sell yourself short. When someone gives you a compliment–Accept it! Recognize it! Relish in it! Receiving well-earned praise does not need to be so difficult. You deserve the recognition, you are worthy of delighting in an admiring comment.
4. Protect your self esteem from negative criticisms from others. No one can make you feel substandard if you do not let them. Do not buy into negative judgments and opinions that others are all too free to give. In most cases, they are trying to make you accountable for what they dislike about themselves. Do not take the bait! Stay true to yourself.

Improving your self worth and learning how to raise self esteem is not only achievable but so rewarding. Start with these four steps and notice a remarkable difference.

Find more tips on on to improve your self esteem at Self Esteem Self Help [http://www.mentalselfhelpsuccess.com/self-esteem-self-help.html].

[http://www.mentalselfhelpsuccess.com]

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I grew up in a family that wore their negativity like a proud shield. I remember my beloved grandmother and her friends almost boosting about how bad life was as if it was a contest, who had the most aches and pains or the worst finances or problems with their children. They didn’t realize they were negative and they certainly didn’t realize the effect this negativity had on their life. This is the way it was and it was handed down from generation to generation. My older sister and I would sit in church every Sunday making fun of people (we may have looked angelic, but we weren’t!). For us it was a good time to poke fun at the ladies beehives and people’s outfits until my parents separated us in the pew. What we didn’t realize is that we were honing our critical skills, and negative thoughts. Then there are the people that make conversation by criticizing (we all know some). You could give them a million dollars and they’d still find something to complain about. They look at everything with a “what can I find wrong with this situation” attitude. They truly don’t know how to be happy, so they do everything they can to stay in the comfortable place they know so well, being unhappy.

Once I moved away from my family and started interacting with people from different cultures and attitudes, I started having my negativity pointed out by others (ME, negative? But I’m just making conversation!) I realized how dominant a role this negativity played in my life. It was so ingrained it took awhile to see it in myself, but once I did, that was the first step. The first step is to become aware of your negative thoughts. This has to be done everyday, all day. Then switch the negative thoughts to a resourceful/good thought. Like any behavior, the more good thoughts we think, the quicker good thoughts will become our predominant way of thinking. You don’t want to focus on your negative thoughts because as you know if you’ve been reading these newsletters for awhile, what you focus on expands. Instead you can stop the negative thoughts by thinking good thoughts. If you find your self thinking negative ask yourself how you can switch those thoughts around to resourceful/good thoughts. We are so concerned with what we wear, what we eat, where we live etc. I’m suggesting we be more concerned with what we think. This is more important than anything else. Easy ways to think good thoughts are being grateful, giving thanks, focusing on what IS working in your life, appreciation for people, places, and things. Saying “thank you” and giving sincere compliments are also good thoughts. The more good thoughts you have, the more you will attract things to feel good about, and that’s what we all want…to feel good! When you switch the negative thoughts for positive ones your life will change dramatically for the better. Mine sure has!

Char Cooper RN, MSN, APRN [http://www.thefeelgoodcoach.com]

Feel Good every day! For a free consultation call 860-292-1029

Hi, I’m Char Cooper and I am a certified Nurse Practitioner, Life Coach and Yoga Instructor. For years I have been empowering patients and clients using a mind, body, Spirit approach to create and achieve fabulous health and wellness. In order to create this fabulous health and wellness, we need to feel good. It is my belief that what we all really want is to feel good. Think about the last time you felt good, really good, how would you describe it? When you feel good, how are your interactions and relationships affected, how about your success and creativity, what about your inner happiness? When we feel good we’re open, relaxed, energized, and creative, we’re in a position to create the life we want. In my coaching sessions I use the power of thought, focused intention and deliberate action to help you create a feel good state where you can create your reality.

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Striving to improve our self esteem is on everybody’s mind. It doesn’t matter if you actively pursue this goal or you subconsciously working on improving your self esteem. The problem with this is that you really don’t know exactly what you want to improve. You’re acting intuitively on external signals.

Do you know how to improve your self esteem? Probably not. To make it a little bit easier for you and to achieve your goals quicker I put together 10 tips that you can utilize right away.

1. Build up your self-esteem. You must take an inventory. What do you want to improve or change about the way you interact with others? Try to make only one change at a time. Always check you progress before making another change.

2. Celebrate your journey, not your destination. Learn to always feel good about where you are now, and to exude self-confidence about anywhere you might find yourself tomorrow.

3. Set clear goals for yourself before every interaction. Know what you want. Think about how the people you will be meeting can help you reach those goals. Then decide how to approach each person accordingly. Apply this regularly and you will notice a difference.

4. Be proactive. Take the initiative. Be decisive. Let the other person know exactly how he or she can help you. Proactive people tent to be more successful in their career.

5. Treat each person you meet as if she or he is truly important. (You’ll be amazed how this works.)

6. Give a firm handshake; look the other person straight in the eye. Practice both of these. Your handshake should be just right. Not too firm and not too loose. Train yourself to notice something you like or find attractive in the person.

7. Listen! Listen! Listen! Teach yourself to develop good listening skills. Learn a way to remember the other person’s name. If in doubt simply ask for the name again 2 or 3 sentences into the conversation.

8. Visibly respond to the other person. Smile, nod agreement, and address him or her by name. Apply all you listening skills to visibly respond. The body language is the most important part of a conversation. Practice, practice, practice…

9. Pay more attention to the other person than to yourself. Are you responding to what may be going on in his or her life? Don’t filter out bad news. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Be caring.

10. Stay “in the moment.” Don’t mentally cut off the other person. Don’t reload while he or she is speaking. What this means is that you need to focus on the other person 100% during a conversation. Anything less is considered rude.

Next time you meet somebody new look out for these behaviors. Put a mental checkmark on the each of the 10 tips and see how well this person scored. Chances are that the person scored very high if you tent to like her/him. On the contraire the person probably scored low if you don’t seem to connect.

The more you practice the more likely you will create a positive aura which is commonly known as charisma. To step up to become a charismatic personality it takes more than just these 10 tips.

Creating a positive aura will benefit you in every thing you do. You will create a warmer ambience with your family. You will be more successful in your career. Even while trying to meet a partner of the opposite sex you will notice a difference on how people perceive you.

Unfortunately a small article can’t do justice on the wide spectrum of creating a positive aura and developing a charismatic personality. You will get the complete picture and step by step explanations in Race Kale’s new book “The Power of Charisma”.

Peter Dobler is an active real estate investor and a successful home business entrepreneur. Learn how to become a charismatic personality in this new book. http://www.powerofcharismabook.com